Saturday, April 17, 2010

Loitering in the Library

I took my daughter downtown to dance class this morning. Her ballet class is normally held on Wednesdays, but with the recital coming up soon (Heaven help us) we were “persuaded” by the instructor to come in for extra classes on Saturdays. Our social calendar was fairly empty today, so in we went.

While my daughter is dancing, I often go to the library a block away. (If you walk much more than a block, you are no longer downtown.) Some people are reading, some people are on computers, some people are studying. However, I’m assuming that we all know that public libraries are not always full of intellectuals (hence, me, flipping through decorating magazines).

Today I have chosen a guidebook for Amsterdam. Not planning on going. Just interested. Have a magazine as backup. Out of the corner of my eye, I see him. Yes, the fellow that is just one hair (or two hairs) over the line of having a job and/or home. Not a humorous situation. Not making fun of that. However, I know as soon as I select a seat, he will come and sit near me. And I know what will happen when he does. And I am not wrong. And it is humorous.

I select a seat near one of the large windows. This enables me to look at the downtown skyline. It is a bit difficult to have a view higher than the second floor in this town. It is a skyline similar to the line created on a heart monitor by a dead person. Anyway, I choose a seat. The fellow grabs a magazine and takes a seat behind me.

After a minute or two, he speaks. Softly, at first. I assume he is talking to someone. Well, in a way he is. He begins to speak louder.

“Well, get rid of 20 pounds and you’ll get a job.”

“Gotta get rid of that weight, honey.”

“What IS she doin’ with him?”

“Uh, Uh. That just don’t look good on you.”

“Why don’t you drop 50 pounds and then come back and audition?”

“Sequels. Ain’t nothin’ but sequels.”

“Jesus, Lord. Another sequel.”

“Sherlock Holmes? Don’t know about that.”

“Robert Downey, Jr. Lord, Lord. Robert Downey, Jr. Just keep givin’ ya jobs and leavin’ ya stranded. Robert Downey, Jr. Uh, Uh. Just can’t get any lower, can he?”

“Another sequel. Can’t nobody think of nothin’ new?”

“Naw, Naw. Gotta lose that 20 pounds.”

I’m assuming it was a recent copy of People magazine. Now wait. It was. He said so.

“People Magazine. April (something). Yeah! Yeah! That’s new. That’s the new one.”

I’m thinking about returning to the library next Saturday. Today’s visit was VERY educational. And isn’t that was libraries are for?

My only question now is:

Does Robert Downey, Jr. need to lose 20 pounds?

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