Monday, June 21, 2010

I'd Like to Make a Citizen's Arrest

Gigantic, flaming, stupid, arrogant asshole

A few minutes ago, I was driving home after completing my exciting errands. My Target bag was bulging, and I was still a tad irritated at my financial institution for not being able to cash a check in my business name (which I never use, but took written proof that it was indeed me). And stopped up beside me at a traffic light was a woman I just wanted to yank out into the street and beat senseless.

Was this a mom in her mini-van just having a cruise? Was it a glutenous, roiling, sweat pants-filled idiot? (Not that comfort in clothing is necessarily a bad thing). I'm going to assume the latter. Cigarette in one hand, beverage in another, God-awful music blaring. I mean, how is she going to be able to answer the phone with all of that going on? Should I have rolled down my passenger window and loudly explained that she could kill herself and others driving like that? It's not like she would have been able to take a shot at me unless she had an extra hand or two.

Can't I just keep spare set of handcuffs in my glove compartment for this purpose? How about several sets. I'll just jerk these damn fools out of their cars, slap on those handcuffs, and drive off before they can say "Starbucks and a smoke."

This is the kind of idiot that will eventually do damage to someone. Probably not themselves, unfortunately. If any member of my family is ever damaged by the stupidity of one of these f@ckers, bad bad bad things will happen to this person by my hand. BAD.

There's just nothing worse than driving with a combination of stupidity and arrogance.


  1. I am so with you on this. The arrogant stupidity of some drivers, well, drives me bonkers!

    It's too bad I haven't been able to invent a vaporizing ray-gun yet that would simply disintegrate anyone I considered an idiot. The streets would be SO much safer.

    Come to think of it, the population would also be significantly smaller than currently.

    Anyone who smokes with the knowledge of what tobacco does to your body today is an idiot. Or drinks and drives. Or doesn't use a hands-free cellphone while driving, yapping away inattentively.

  2. Road rage justified.
    I live in Florida, it is really bad down here with the retirees and snowbirds, they think they own the damn road.
    Good luck...

  3. yes!
    I'll even chip in for you to buy the handcuffs...well, if you don't have them already.