Friday, May 7, 2010

The New Guns are Here! The New Guns are Here!

Every other Friday, I usually get myself a chocolate milkshake for lunch and go and loiter at Barnes and Noble. I would loiter at other bookstores, but there aren't any. Sigh.

So, I'm rummaging through home, art, and craft magazines when I notice a young teenage boy off to my left leafing through a magazine. His dad is looking at a fishing magazine. I'm assuming son was looking at a gun magazine, because he says, somewhat excitedly, "Hey! Dad! There's a new gun out!."

This is one of those things that I just don't think about often. Actually, not at all. I never wonder what guns will be out this season. If the summer guns will be lighter than the winter guns. If the newest guns will come in an extra long. But the boy's statement got me to thinking.

Why do there need to be new guns? What's wrong with the old guns? Is the kid letting us all know that last season's gun just won't do? Will he be embarrassed to go hunting or mass-murdering with an out-of-style weapon?

Is there an advantage to purchasing this new gun? Was there an ad in that magazine touting the new gun's advantages?
  • New! Shoot more with just one pull of the trigger!
  • This ain't your grandpa's little girly weapon!
  • Automatically fires at dark-skinned men!
  • Don't just be bitter and attend church . . .take your new friend with you!
  • Angry at your boss? Have a dislike for school children? Local prostitutes laughing at you behind your back? You'll be glad to have this in your holster then!
Just knowing that there are new models (is that what they call 'em) of guns coming out all the time makes me feel a little bit queasy. Who the hell is reading that magazine and making plans for the future? Who's going to read that ad/article and think that's just what they need for their next shooting project.

I'll just stick to my arts and crafts magazines. I just hope there's no shoot-out the next time I need to go buy thread or something.

My thoughts and sympathies are already with the next victim. Unless they were in the midst of doing something really, really bad.


  1. Don't all guns do pretty much the same thing? Why would there need to be new models? I guess I just don't get gun culture.

  2. The new ones are probably in cute colors, like neon orange and bubblegum pink.

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  4. Jason is correct... Some pretty colors would definitely make guns more appealing to the more stylish sniper-types.

  5. thanks for the laugh. I am very much enjoying your posts.

  6. New here to this blog. Hooked me! Guns just sicken me...hope they (gun owners) shoot themselves in the foot with their stupid toys designed for men with small penises.