Thursday, March 17, 2011

Yoga? Noga!

I'd love to post a photo of me in the Warrior Position. Just thinking about me in the Warrior Position makes me laugh. Hard.

I just attended my first yoga class. I'll give it one more try. But after that I've given myself permission to tell everyone to stuff it and leave.

Yes, the Stuff It Position.

I know, that at some point during my stretching and breathing, I breathed out "WTF." I think it went unheard. Everyone else was concentrating on their own noisy breathing.

I always believed that that noisy breathing was a result of incorrect breathing. Apparently, I was wrong and need to learn how to breathe all over again. We were supposed to breathe noisily. That leads me to think that my husband is practicing yoga breathing in the middle of the night.

I tread to like it. I really did. Its just that my inner cynic had taken over my body, probably during the deep breathing, and began marching around in my head and waving a large, red flag. I tried more deep breathing to drown the bastard out, but to no avail. After a while, the inner cynic got a tad tired and sat down. The instructor moved us into a relaxation pose. We were (some of us anyways) becoming one with the earth. Our bodies were letting go of stress. We were beginning to shine a golden light. Our innards were becoming golden also. When the instructor stated (gently and calmly) that we were the proud owners of a golden liver and a golden pancreas, the inner cynic just lost it. Thank heaven we were then instructed to pull our knees to our chests and rock back and forth, because the inner cynic had doubled over in laughter and fell over.

We were supposed to ignore the outside world and just focus on moving, stretching and breathing. Impossible for me. The artist in me wanted to get home and push around some glue, the writer in me just wanted to get home and do this. The normal human in me just wanted to get home and chow down on a sandwich and candy.

One more chance. And that's it. The inner cynic just can't handle much more. Nor can my golden pancreas.

Namaste (or not).


  1. I LOVE reading you posts Kim! You tell it as it is how you don't hold anything back!

    I have just taken up Tai Chi lessons (up to lesson 7) and even though my experience is not quite as....what word am I looking for....cynical as yours, I did find it difficult at first and the cynical me said we were NOT going to come back after the 8 weeks are up.

    Well I am pleased to say I think I will join up again because I am such a slack arse at practising at home and I know I must be benefiting from attending this class.....surely I must be benefiting and one day I may actually enjoy Tai Chi.

    Keep shining dear friend.
    Peggy xxxx

  2. oh dear...I tried yoga a few years ago and it nearly killed me. I felt pain in muscles I didn't even know I had. My innards turned golden...golden brown like a turkey, I'm sure.

  3. I've never tried yoga myself, but when my brother was in rehab, they had him in yoga classes and he said it helped him feel more at peace with himself. So it might be worth sticking it out for a little while?